“A man is never more truthful than when he
acknowledges himself a liar.” Mark Twain
“Liars share with those
they deceive the desire not to be deceived.” Sissela
Bok
I just had another incident in which someone close to me asked advice of me but told me half of a story. This individual made it sound as if he was trying to help someone when, In My Opinion, he had other motives.
Now, when a person tries to tell someone something and they leave out a good portion of the story to make themselves look good, is that lying? Sure it is. Webster’s dictionary defines a lie as: 1. to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. 2. To create a false or misleading impression.
Okay, so why do people lie? Simple, in my opinion, I see two main reasons for the average person to lie, deception, and insecurity. A person lies to make themselves look good or hide something.
But it is not entirely wise to “lie by omission”, leaving out parts of the story, when asking advice. It is always best to include everything to your confidant so a full picture is presented so the correct advice is administered.
In this case, the individual asking the advice of me also asked advice of my wife. The two stories were different and formed an entire picture of the activities. I look at it like I was lied to because the information my wife was told was not presented to me.
So why would someone close to me ask for advice using only half a story? Simple, in this case the individual wanted to be looked at as the “hero” of the story when his motives were, as I see it, based on jealousy.
First of all, I hate it when someone, anyone, does this. It means they are hiding something and think I am dumb enough to not catch on.
Second, it shows that they do not trust me enough to tell me the whole story. That also gets under my skin. Why bother contacting someone for help and at the same time lie to the person trying to be of assistance?
Third, this person should know me well enough to know what I would say should he be totally honest and put all the cards on the table. So the story gets changed to try to make it look like the antagonist is the one being hurt.
Hiding information is lying to someone else. Making yourself out to be something you are not is lying to yourself. Either way, none of it is good.
I, as a parent, am used to this and this article is based on the latest attempt by one of my children to feed me half truths and seek advice. It is a slap in the face since this child is old enough to get married and have a family of his own.
A grown adult needs to learn to handle responsibilities and deal with the consequences of his or her own actions. Lying, in this context, is a clear demonstration of immaturity, with the ATTEMPT to create a veil in which to hide the true reason for this child’s actions.
I would actually prefer that my kids don’t even bother contacting me for advice if they can’t be truthful. If they are embarrassed about the situation they are in, then they should have thought ahead. But I hate thinking that my kids either do not trust me enough to tell me what is going on, or just don’t want to “hear it again.”
I am not saying that I have never lied, and I am not saying I have never made mistakes. But I am saying that I always tried to always be totally honest with my kids and taught them to do the same, regardless of the consequences.
When one of my offspring tries to pull the sheep dip over my eyes by telling half-truths to me then discussing the entire issue with someone else, and I get the full story later…..I am just glad the individual lives in a different state.
I am not one of those parents who gets lied to then thinks “oh well, at least he contacted me.” That’s a load, I am never grateful to be lied to, especially by one of my own kids.
If it seems as though I am writing this with a rather harsh tone, you are right. This is not one of my researched and thought over pieces. I am not happy and I am blowing off steam rather then argue.
This is not the first time this kid has done this and I would bet money it will happen again. After all, I have four kids. I am a master of smelling the manure as it is being spewed.
