It’s late, I am tired but not really sleepy. I was thinking, for some reason, of the cartoon Fractured Fairy Tales, part of the Rocky & Bullwinkle show that I used to watch as a kid. So I wrote my own fractured fairy tale.
I have never tried this kind of writing, this kind of comic style followed by a lesson at the end. I have no idea how it will go over, but here goes.
My Fractured Fairy Tale
Narrator: “Many years ago there were two brothers, Zeke and Hank…….
Zeke: “I’m not a Zeke, sounds goofy, I’m Ralph”
Narrator: “Many years ago there were two brothers, Ralph and Hank and these brothers were very poor, but very close.”
“As they grew they were determined to work hard, have families, and provide better for their loved ones then they had received.”
“Both worked a lot of jobs over the years to find one’s they liked. They worked hard, married, had families, bought cars, paid off dentists, and bought their kids………”
Hank: “I didn’t buy my kids, there a point to all this?”
Narrator: “Shut up you old coot and stop interrupting.”
Narrator: ….”And bought their kids all the things they never had and through it all both families stayed loving and supportive”.
Narrator: “Now the brothers are older, their kids have grown and moved away and the wives have passed on. The brothers are still together in the same assisted living……”
Hank: “Assisted living my hair piece…..this is a dang blamed nursing home.”
Narrator: ”….One day Hank and Ralph were sitting on the sun porch talking about how they had lived their lives and the jobs they had, and how things would be better if they could have a do over in life. Then out of the blue two pair of magic track shoes appeared.”
Ralph & Hank: “MAGIC TRACK SHOES?”
Narrator: “Uh, to allow you to run into the past?”
Hank: “Are you nuts, we can hardly walk to the can when we gotta go.”
Narrator: “Okay….out of the blue a golden thunderbolt stuck in the floor at the brothers’ feet.”
Ralph: “And scared us to death?”
Narrator: “Uhhhhh….. you old coot, can I just please tell the story or do I have to just skip to the point now?
Hank: “Heheheh, there’s a point to all this?”
Narrator: “Shut up and listen and you’ll see”. “Okay……….out of the blue, two pennies dropped to the floor. One penny in front of the brothers’ feet.”
Hank & Ralph: “NURSE, WE CAN’T REACH OUR MAGIC PENNIES”
Nurse: “Magic pennies huh, you boys been trading meds again?”
Hank: “I don’t remember, can you give us our coins, and let the narrator finish”?
Nurse: “Narrator, youse two hearin voices”?
Hank & Ralph: “NO”
Ralph: “Just yours, sweetie pie”
Nurse: You cough dust you’re so old, so stop trying to hit on me.”
Narrator: “These were no ordinary pennies; each penny was inscribed with MAKE A WISH, TOSS INTO WATER AND RECEIVE A GIFT.”
“The brothers both had the same wish since they had both made many mistakes in their lives, if only they could go back in time and make better lives for themselves.”
“Grasping their pennies, they decided to head to Hank’s room, and toss the coins in a sink full of water. Their power scooters were going full tilt as they rounded the corner by the nurse’s station and Ralph spied Ms. Grady’s full bedpan sitting outside her door. Each brother made his wish and as was just about to toss the coins into the bedpan when Ralph said…”
Ralph: “Hank, that’s not water”
Hank & Ralph: “Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”
Ralph: “She needs more fiber”
Narrator: “That’s disgusting.” “Anyway as the brothers got to Hanks room they filled the sink full of water, wished to go back to the past and fix their lives and tossed the pennies into the sink………..and waited.”
Ralph: “Well, I’m waiting to go back to my youth.”
Hank: “Yea, me too, I wanna be young enough to have my own teeth again”
Narrator: “The brothers sat and stared into the sink for a long time and were surprised when one of the pennies floated to the surface, then the other.”
Ralph: “Well dang blame it…pennies don’t float, what in the name of Gurdy’s truss is going on here”
Hank: “Who’s Gurdy”?
Ralph: “That pretty young redhead in the north wing”
Hank: “She’s 67 years old”
Ralph: “Well, I’m 75”
Hank: “Forget the ladies, what’s going on here, no wishes and floating pennies, we been jimmy-jacked, hornswaggled, and bamboozled.”
Narrator: “As the brother’s sat in front of the sink staring at the water and the floating wooden pennies wondering what’s going on, the nurse came in and gave Hank and Ralph their medicine.”
Ralph: “Hello sunshine.”
Nurse: “Dust”
Hank: “I get three white ones.”
Ralph: “I like the pretty colors, yellow, red, and blue.”
Nurse: “You boys have it backwards; Ralph is supposed to have the three white ones. And Hank is to have the yellow, red, and blue.”
“Hey didn’t you boys say you were hearing voices earlier”
Hank: “The Narrator, he gave us the magic coins, told us to toss them in water for a wish.”
Hank: “So we filled the sink, made our wishes, tossed the coins in the water and nothing. We were jimmy-jacked.”
Nurse: “You too took the wrong meds again. When that happens Hank can’t stop talking and Ralph, you do everything you hear.” It was like each of you had a snoot full.”
Ralph: “What about the magic coins?”
Nurse: “Those were game tokens from the fair the other day. If you tossed it into a bowl of water you got a prize. You both been carrying them around for days, they must have fallen off the arm of you’re scooters while Hank was talking.”
Nurse: “Come on boys, let’s get you outside and get some fresh air into those withered old lungs.”
If there is any point at all to be made from the silliness I wrote above, it would be this; don’t waste your life for there are no mulligans, and no do-over’s. Everyone gets one shot at life and it is a most precious gift.
In 20 or 30 years from now, will you regret the course you took on you’re journey? Garth Brooks had a song that said a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows and the dreamer is just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Well, that may be true for a dream, but you don’t have to turn control of your life over to circumstances and just coast along.
This is your life, and you’re journey, make the most of it and be done with the regrets. Learn from mistakes, forge ahead never quit. And never, ever think you have to go it alone. Remember, Christ not only died for us, He created the river, He knows the waters, and He is a most capable Captain.
